Tuesday, February 18, 2014

My BIG Thing

What's my BIG thing?

For years I have been waiting, searching, and looking for my big thing.  I would go to conferences, read books and blogs, and hear stories.  It would make me question why I didn't have my big thing. I would see a need.  Dream of a plan to help.  Talk about it.  Pray about it.  Dream more.  Then nothing. Nothing.  I would see another need and the vicious cycle would begin again.  Why wasn't I godly enough to see anything through?

I went to the If: Gathering conference in Austin a few weeks ago.  There were a dozen or so speakers who all had written books, spoke at conferences, or were advocating for a wonderful, godly cause.  I worshipped in a room full of women and I suspect they were asking some of these questions.

  • If my calling is my talents and passions coming together, then what am I supposed to do?  
  • What if I don't have any talents?  
  • Is it possible that God forgot to give me a talent or two?  
  • What if I found my big thing and it was successful, would I be like one of these women who were speaking and sharing?  
  • Am I too old to find my big thing?  (These ladies in the room are really, really young.) 

As I reflect on the conference, I am reminded of all of my wonderful, godly causes that I was going to pursue with zeal and reach the lost in Jesus' name.

As I reflect on the conference, I question who I am and what in the world have done with my life.

Well here is my BIG realization…

What if my BIG thing, is NOT my BIG thing?  

My BIG thing is named Scott.  I am going to love him, adore him, support him, pray for him, and encourage him to be who God has designed him to be.  What will his BIG thing be?
My BIG thing is Jacob.  I am going to love him, adore him, support him, pray for him, and encourage him to be who God has designed him to be.  What will his BIG thing?
My BIG thing is Emma Grace.  I am going to love her, adore her, support her, pray for her, and encourage her to be who God has designed her to be.  What will her BIG thing be?
My BIG thing is Scottie.  I am going to love her, adore her, support her, pray for her, and encourage her to be who God has designed her to be.  What will her BIG thing be?
My BIG thing is Zoey.  I am going to love her, adore her, support her, pray for her, and encourage her to be who God has designed her to be.  What will her BIG thing be?

I may not write a book.  I may not write a blog with thousands of followers.  I may not be the founder or board member of a non-for-profit organization.  But, I have the BIGGEST BIG thing ever!

Oh how I will now worship without reservation because I now know that God has indeed given me my BIG thing!




Monday, February 10, 2014

Mourning to Celebration

I want to stop mourning and simply celebrate!

I recently had an encounter with a well-meaning woman.  When she discovered that I had a special needs daughter, she shared with me something she read.  The story was basically about how we plan and plan for a trip to Italy (the birth of the "perfect" baby) only to discover that we are in Holland.  I think she was trying to help me to understand my experience …or perhaps she just wanted to share.  Although I completely understand that she was just trying to relate to me, I wanted to tell her that she really has no idea what it is like to parent a child with special needs.  She really just cannot relate.

And then…

I went to a conference for women this past weekend and I had TONS of thoughts and ideas about ministry, family and life go through my head.  There was one phrase that I just couldn't shake…stop mourning and celebrate.

I mourn that my daughter doesn't have "friends" her age.
I mourn that my daughter was overwhelmed at the father and daughter dance because it was too loud.
I mourn that Emma Grace (my almost 13 year old daughter) plans to always have a room for her sister in her house when she is married.  (I know it is sweet and amazing, but it is also sad.)
I mourn that Jacob, Emma Grace and Zoey have to gauge their sister's mood before they joke around and sometimes even speak to her.  
I mourn that my daughter will not go to homecoming or prom.
I mourn that my daughter will not experience life as a college student.
I mourn that my daughter will never experience what it feels like to fall in love.
I mourn that my daughter will never have a wedding.
I mourn that my daughter will not be a mother.
I mourn that Scott and I will not be empty nesters.  (selfish, I know)

I am tired of mourning the never.  I want to celebrate who she is and what she can do.  


"For You formed my inward parts;

You wove me in my mother’s womb.
 
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
15 
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
 
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;


And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them."


Psalm 139: 13-16

My daughter is perfect.  

She may not experience the same life experiences as Emma Grace.  

Scottie is perfect.  

She experiences life differently, but that does not make it less of a life.  

She loves differently, but she doesn't love less.  

She sees the world differently, in fact she sees more.  

How do I shift my feelings and thoughts from mourning the nevers and celebrate the what is and what can be?  
Today, I choose to believe that God has a plan for her life.  That plan is beautiful, amazing and FULL.  She will not have less of a life, but rather her life will enrich the lives of those she loves.  I celebrate my daughter because her Creator knitted her together wonderfully.

If I want her family and the world to celebrate Scottie, then it must start with me.

Today, I will stop mourning and CELEBRATE!.

CELEBRATE!

CELEBRATE!