A Step of Faith

I must take a step of faith.

It is interesting to me that often the demonstration of our faith is in fact taking a step.

It is fascinating to me that even with the foreknowledge that God does the miraculous through our steps of faith I am still hesitant to step.

It is beyond my understanding why taking that step is so scary...why do I pause?

I have pondered this idea of taking a step of faith for several weeks and this last week it weighs heavy on my heart and mind.  It is pressing and that is when I know God is working in me.  Scott and I have experienced numerous times how amazing God will work if we just trust Him.  Yet, I still have my foot up...ready to step...but it hasn't moved...

I am reminded of many Biblical examples of God telling someone to "go" or to "do" something without a detailed plan or the assurance that it would be easy.  Scripture confirms that it is actually normal to hesitate, but the reward comes from the action behind the command.  Obedience.

God tells Noah to build a boat.  So, Noah did.
God tells Abraham to leave his home and go.  So, Abraham goes.
God tells Moses to be brave and go before Pharaoh and speak.  So, Moses goes and speaks.
God tells Joshua to enter the Promise Land.  So, Joshua goes.
Jesus tells the disciples to come and follow Him.  And, they did.  They stopped what they were doing and didn't ask why, where, or how.  They took those steps of faith.

The rewards for their obedience and steps of faith are beyond human explanation.  They took HUGE steps and God provided the strength and wisdom.  Perhaps, I need to understand that not every step will make sense.  Nor will I be able to have a detailed plan of how it is going to work.  However if I would place my foot on the ground and look towards the One who is calling, He will provide my strength and wisdom.  The journey along the way may be unpredictable and difficult, but the blessings will be tremendous.

My foot is poised and ready...it is time to step.

It is time to put my faith in acton.

It is time to remind myself of God's provision.

It is time to use this opportunity to share this life-changing truth with my children!

Ready...Get Set...Go!!!

What I Know of Guilt

Guilt.

 

It can be debilitating.

 

It can be nauseating.

 

It can cause me to doubt myself.

 

It causes pain in relationships.

It often keeps me from seeing things as God sees them.

 

It sucks hope from me.

It takes my articulate voice and creates something I do not recognize.

 

As I dressed Thursday morning, I knew that I was in for a rough day. Scottie and I hopped in the car and off we went to school. Little did Scottie know, but for momma, the day was one of the days I dread most every year. Scottie walked to class and I sat waiting to meet with her teacher. I knew that if she had requested a meeting mid year with mom, then there was something going on...I hoped it was just a list of things to work on at home, but it was much larger this time.

 

I was informed that they did not believe our Scottie would be successful next year with only the support of her current Resource class. They believed that what she needed was to be in a program called Life Skills. Life Skills is an amazing program for many children, but Scott and I had hoped for years that Scottie would have more of an education...that she would have the ability to remain primarily mainstreamed. My immediate response is to cry and then this is when I lost my ability to be articulate. I sat in front of this sweet teacher and told her "School sucks. This sucks. I hate these meetings at school more than anything all year. It sucks." That's right. I am an educated woman...HA...I am an educator and this is all I could come up with! The only thought shooting through my head is "this sucks!" This conversation is not what I dreamed of when Scottie was born. This conversation is not the hope I clung to when we were given the diagnosis of mental retardation. This conversation always lurked around the corner, and we tried to ignore it, pretending it wasn't there.

 

As I left the 45 minute meeting, I could feel the guilt pressing down on me. Had we done everything we could for Scottie? We had not tried diet changes...not really. We never had the funds to do any outside therapy. We were told to check out different organizations and we did not do it. We never searched for other parents like us so that we could gain a support system and road map of what we should do for Scottie. We have not taken her to different doctors to try and find a more specific diagnosis. We never completed a genetics work up on Scottie. We do not read to her every night. If she does not want to do her homework, we do not make her. I jumped in the car and called Scott..crying and telling him how much we had failed as Scottie's parents. Then I sent a text to my best friends and told them that I was freaking out! Praise Jesus that He has blessed me with incredible, Godly friends who sent back words of encouragement and acknowledgment that this really did suck!

 

By the time I left for my evening ladies' Bible study, I was reminded by my Heavenly Father that He is not the author of guilt. Guilt comes from the enemy who wants to destroy my family. Guilt comes from the enemy who wants to make a Godly woman feel inadequate and place blame on the Creator. Guilt does nothing but cause destruction. My God is a God of conviction. Are there things that God is convicting me of in regards to Scottie? Absolutely! The self beating I gave myself earlier that day was NOT conviction.

 

What do I know of guilt?

 

It is not from God. If I know it is Satan's attack, then I can combat it with the Word of God. I can combat it through prayer and supplication. I can combat it because the One who was, is, and will be victorious calls me His child...better than that, He is the One who created my Scottie and loves her far more than her earthly mother and father ever could. Perhaps if I focused more on the Creator's purposes and hopes for Scottie and less on the earthly expectations, then Satan would not have this foothold.

 

"Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth." Colossians 3:2

 

What do I know of guilt?

 

It is not from God and I cannot allow it to cripple me or bind my parenting. Guilt is powerful and deceitful and it is not based on godly truth. It is NOT from God.

Resolutions

another new year

a list of more resolutions

goals

dreams

failure

disappointment

The new year always begins the same way...setting goals and dreaming of what I want for myself and our family.  I set out to make a plan to achieve these goals and work diligently for a few days, maybe a week or month, but the goal is never reached.

Last Saturday, my sweet hubby and I were on a date and Scott asked me what this year's resolutions were.  I responded, "Spiritual growth, diet, and exercise."  Duh...the same things that have been on my list for YEARS!  Sometimes I throw in something about money, our marriage, our perhaps my parenting.  I absolutely had NO intention to make resolutions this year because they end abruptly the same way every year...FAILURE...which leaves me living in a perpetual state of DISAPPOINTMENT.

A few days after our date night, I felt my mind drifting back to my yearly resolutions and questioning why I never seem to have success.  Am I not smart enough, determined enough, or simply lazy?  As quickly as I started to berate myself, one thought spoke louder than any other.

Instead of making a list, perhaps it is time to concentrate on one thing.

 

LISTEN for and LISTEN to the VOICE of GOD!

You see, perhaps if I stopped and listened only to the voice of God and NOT

the voice of the world
the voice of social media (love the posts about healthy living, diet, and exercise because instead of feeling inspired, I usually feel like a BIGGER loser)
the voice of television and movies
the voice of celebrities
the voice of well meaning friends or family
the ugly voice in my head
the voice of the world

then perhaps the way in which I view myself, my finances, my marriage, my family, and my life style would change dramatically.  Is failure an option if the One directing my path is God?  Will I be disappointed in small steps or huge steps, if it the One telling me when and where to step is God?  Will I stop striving for that ideal weight, if the One who created me whispers truth about my image?  Will I work diligently to love and care for His temple, if I listen to the One who saved me despite my sin and failures.? Is there not a high likability that if I spend time with my Savior and listen for His voice, that spiritual growth is guaranteed?  Will I spend money differently, if I listen to God's truth and see the world, possessions, and wants versus needs through His eyes?  Won't my marriage and children become a high priority, if I listen to the One who pieced our family together?

Perhaps instead of  a long list of resolutions, I simply need one and that is to listen.

Sure it may be January 11th and I didn't make this resolution on the 1st, but I hereby resolve to listen to voice of God.  I resolve to stop ignoring the Spirit when I feel conviction or prompting.  I resolve to respond to the voice when my Lord tells me to love the way He loves (others and myself).  I resolve to be who He created me to be even if it doesn't always match up with "weight charts" or the picture in a magazine. 

I resolve to listen to the voice of God.

2013:  The Year of Listening

Yes, I like that!!!!