A few months
ago, I reorganized our bathrooms, linen closet, kitchen, and files. Every item taken out. Cabinets and shelves cleaned. New shelf paper put in. Every item placed in the most efficient place
and clearly labeled.
While reorganizing
our files, I discovered a couple of things.
1.) We keep things we don’t need.
2.) We don’t keep things that we should.
I labeled folders and reminded myself that although I loathe paper, I
need to start keeping some important documents.
3.) I found in black and white what my next big step must be!
One of the
things that I came across while cleaning out our paper work is a report that my
5th grade teacher wrote about me.
I guess she was in grad school and had to observe and write a report about
a student. Guess who she picked...me! Of
course, my parents gave permission and when her report was finished she gave my
parents a copy. At some point, their
copy made it to me, and I stuck it in our files.
It’s an odd
thing to read about your own childhood from someone else’s perspective. It has helped to give me a truer perspective
about so many things, including who I am as a 41-year-old woman.
I want to
share one particular part because it was a huge “a-ha” moment for me. But first, I want you to know that I have
very few childhood memories. Nothing bad
or traumatic happened to make me forget.
I just simply don’t have very many memories. Scott remembers everything and everyone! I just don’t.
So reading about situations, people, and events that happened to me is
odd. It is like I am reading about
someone else and as it goes, we often see things more clearly when we are on
the outside looking in…and boy did some things seem clearer.
“During Amy’s social studies class
the subject of shyness came up. The
teacher explained that as a child their age, she was very shy. The class as a whole reacted in a surprised
manner. The teacher went on to say,
‘Think of the shyest student in this class.’
Several students pointed to and replied, ‘Angelica.’ The teacher looked at Angelica and said,
‘Think of Angelica without all that talent (Angelica is extremely creative in
art, expresses herself superbly in writing, and usually receives A’s on any
work). One student quietly said,
‘Amy.’ At that point, the teacher made
no comment but went on with the lesson.
At the end of the day while the students were waiting for their bus, Amy
came up to the teacher with tears in her eyes.
She had her head down to her chest and quietly accused the teacher, ‘You
don’t think I have any talent.’ The
teacher apologized, “I’m sorry, Amy, if you got that impression. I was not indicating you had not talent. You have a great deal of talent. It’s just more hidden than Angie’s. Not everyone can be as creative as Angie, but
that doesn’t mean you are less capable.
In fact, you remind me a great deal of myself at your age: very shy and
not sure I could do anything right. I
hope it doesn’t take you thirty years to find out how talented you are.’ Amy looked up with a grave expression,
nodded, and went back to mingle with the few students left waiting for the bus.
(Next
day) Amy came into class with a huge
smile on her face. She came to the
teacher... ‘Do you remember what you said to me yesterday about having
talent? Well, my talent is
organizing. I’m a great organizer. I love to organize things. My mom lets me organize her things at home. Do you have anything you want me to
organize?”…
My thoughts
after reading these words…
1.) I would
still react the exact same way. I would
still take the comment to heart and question my talents and abilities. Why can’t I stop caring what others think of
me? (another blog for sure)
2.) Ugh. I am 41 years old and I am still doubting
myself. I still don’t know what to do
when I grow up. I still feel less than
those around me. I still don’t know what
it is that I am most passionate about (other than being a wife and mom).
3.) Are you
kidding me?! Organizing was my talent at
10 and it is still my thing. Creating efficient ways of storing items and
organizing a home comes naturally to me and I enjoy it.
So what?
Last January
Scott and I had our annual year-in-review and dream planning session. They are usually lengthy and we try to cover
every imaginable topic. One of the
topics we talked about was the feeling that I need to grow up and do something
I am passionate about and that something should be how I make money. If I have to work, shouldn’t it be what I
enjoy doing? We talked about going back
to school…but I have watched Scott take classes for years and he squeezes hours
in the evening to finish papers, watch lectures, and take tests. He falls asleep with a book on his chest and
has settled for “getting it done without needing A’s” because that’s all he has
to give. I have NO desire to do
that! In our conversation, I shared that
I like to organize and help other people.
I want others to not feel overwhelmed by piles and stuff, when they
don’t have to feel that way. Scott
immediately told me to do it.
I started to
do research about professional organizers and began dreaming (I traveled this
road once before 10 years ago and stopped). Scott bought a website domain and created
social media accounts, so that I could begin this dream. I began to believe and then I stopped. Fear crept in. Fear of failure. Fear of success. What if it worked and others were willing to
pay for my help. Would I really be able
to handle a business? Would I be able to
balance my home, busy family, and still give my clients what they needed? Fear stopped me in my tracks. Research halted. Reading and fact-gathering stopped.
Then I read
these words and observations of a 10-year-old Amy. In 30 years, I am still stuck. I know what I am good at and what I would
enjoy doing. But, I lack the braveness
to just step out and do it. I allow fear
and self-doubt to cripple my ability to move forward.
I listen to
my 17 year old son, and he has big dreams.
I spent years trying to encourage a plan B, but now I want him to just
go after it. Live his dream. I believe with everything in me that he can
do BIG things and that he is talented and amazing. Why can I NOT believe that for myself?
I want to
bravely move forward and take a step. If
I fail, at least I tried. If I have
success, then my kids can watch me have a career for the first time doing
something I love doing. I need to do
this for my kids, my family, my 10-year-old self... but it is imperative I do
this for my 41-year-old self.
Be Brave.
Now
what? I have no idea what to do or where
to start and I want to run and hide.
Be Brave.
