Definition

Yesterday was one of those days that I wish I could have a do over.  By the time I came home from teaching and everyone was settled into their evening routine, I just wanted to crawl into bed and pretend that the day had never happened. 

In a quick five minute conversation about my day with my husband, he summed up my day by saying, "Sounds like you are feeling emotionally humiliated."  As I write the words, they make me smile because they sound so harsh and unloving.  When the truth of the words actually gave me great perspective and encouragement.

You see I was emotionally vulnerable yesterday...no reason...just vulnerable.  I allowed others (including Scott) see me unguarded and broken.  I was humiliated by my human weakness.  I was humiliated that I was not cool, calm and collected; I was not in control. 

As I rocked my sweet Zoey to sleep last night, I reflected on Scott's words and God spoke a new word to my humiliated heart.  I am loved by a God whose mercies are new every morning.  I am loved by a God who knows and understands that YES I am in fact human, but I have hope of a brighter tomorrow.  I am loved by a God who can take my mini-emotional breakdown and use it to demonstrate His love for me.  I am loved by a God who uses ALL things for His glory.  I am loved by a God who loves me entirely and completely, and He is not surprised by irrational moments.  I am loved by a God who sees the woman He wants me to be even when I cannot.  I am loved by a God who gives me ample opportunity to learn and grow...never EVER giving up on me.

Instead of going to bed feeling defeated and hopeless, I went to bed feeling hopeful and encouraged.  I will not allow my yucky human moments define who I am or who I will be.  Only God and His truths will define me.  Today, I choose God's definition!  Today, I choose to believe what God thinks of me!  Today, I choose to believe in the One who created me!  Today, I choose God!

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The Lord is good to those whose hopes is in him, to the one who seeks him"  Lamentations 3:22-25

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."  Romans 5:5

 "The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made."  Psalm 145:5

Slow Down

The to-do list around our home is growing longer and longer by the day.  There are so many little projects I want to tackle, but it is just too overwhelming.  Instead of accomplishing them I spend my time thinking, dreaming, writing, becoming more and more unproductive.  Where is the line between impulsive and over thinking?  When do you just need to stop thinking and start doing?  I wonder if I ever knew where the line was or if I just moved it the last few years.

I used to be such a "task-oriented girl"...not being that girl wouldn't be so bad if I had become a "in-the-moment-girl".  I know that I  missed little moments with my family because I was too wrapped up in getting things done.  I know that I lost opportunities to teach, serve, and encourage others.  So now that I am not accomplishing much why am I still missing these moments and opportunities?

I need Jake to shout, "SLOW DOWN MOM because I turn 13 in a few months and in the next few years I will make choices that will shape who I am and will be."  I need Emma Grace to whisper, "SLOW DOWN and listen mom because the problems I am sharing with you may seem silly and insignificant, but to me they are huge.  I need you to acknowledge my feelings and give me godly insight and encouragement."  I need Scottie to giggle and say, "SLOW DOWN mom and share Jesus in a real way because I am capable of having a relationship with Christ".  (Oh that one hurts my heart)  I need Zoey to babble, "SLOW DOWN momma and enjoy my new discoveries and my many firsts because I can bring so much joy and unity to our family."  I need Scott to remind me in his sweet gentle way to SLOW DOWN and cherish our quiet moments because one day the children will be gone, and we must have a thriving relationship now and then.

The truth is what I hear in this moment is my Abba Father singing over me and speaking to my soul.  "SLOW DOWN my child and spend time with me.  You may not be checking off items on the to-do list, but that was never my intention for your life.  My desire for your life is to love me and love others.  My desire for you is to have a growing relationship with me.  My desire for you is to raise a godly, young man and 3 godly, young ladies whose lives will glorify ME, their Abba, not you!  My desire is for you to serve your family, church, and community as though you were serving Me.  It isn't about being superwoman; it is about being a godly-woman"

SLOW DOWN....slow down.....take it all in and let my life (your life) glorify the Living God who created me (you), loves me (you), and died for me (you).  I hear you....slow down!